13:23, 10/03/11
Luke Oram stands in a large room that is full of clocks and junk, in order that you the viewer might be appropriately suggested of the concept of time.Gingerly he un-clips a cd from it's case and leans forward to power up a stereo- it's big al right, huge speakers and probably pumps out 4.4 gigawatts of power when shit is cranked.
There is a rumble as the unit comes online and Luke readies a prodding digit, momentarily to hit play.
It is at this moment the door flings open and an older, scholarly gentleman (let's call... Prof) comes gambolling in, evidently excited.
"Luke, whatever you do, don't play that cd!" he exclaims.
"I already did Prof, and there's nothing on it..."
"Great Scott!"
19:00, 08/08/2010
Somewhere in bleakest Perth (that's in Scotland, fact fans) four canny lads have assembled into a powerviolence type band, and are just about to begin their first rehearsal but something seems to be amiss.
They are looking anxious because their fifth member has not arrived.
"Where the hell has that fool got to?" moans the guitarist "I cannae tell, but it spells doom for us" replies his drum bashing comrade.
The band look dejected and begin to pack up their gear, seeming resigned to this just not working.
13:27, 10/03/11
"Christ Prof, the image on the cd is vanishing" proclaims a desperate Luke as he waves the quickly-fading jewel case infront of Prof's nose.
"We gotta act fast Lukey, or this review you are trying to do is going to fall short of your already considerably poor standard!... to the Mondeo!"
19:30, 08/08/2010
The last of the doomed band members pauses as he leaves the practise space to flick of the light, he seems downtrodden as the other guys have already left. Suddenly Luke and Prof appear as if out of no-where.
"Hey fella, you need to get back in there and bust out the sodding blasts, pronto!" screams luke.
"Ach I cannae, they've all quit. We should have never got that lazy git involved in this"
"Wait! I have a way we can push this post even further out of whack" pipes in Prof.
21:30, 08/08/1984
It's prom night at Perth high school, and one young couple is about to fall deeply in love and become future parents to a no-show band member when Luke and Prof pounce out from behind a chip shop.
"Hey pal, freeeeedom my arse" cries Luke at the amorous chap, who immediate headbutts Luke right in the chops. The ploy works however, as his sweetheart gets bored and wanders off to buy a battered mars bar.
19:00, 08/08/2010
Somewhere in bleakest Perth (that's in Scotland, fact fans) four canny lads have assembled into a powerviolence type band, and are just about to begin their first rehearsal, everything in place they start to tear into viscous grinding power, seeing as the previous bit means the no-show guy now never existed in the first place.
13:23, 10/03/11
Luke Oram stands in a large room that is full of clocks and junk, in order that you the viewer might be appropriately suggested of the concept of time.
Gingerly he un-clips a cd from it's case and leans forward to power up a stereo- it's big al right, huge speakers and probably pumps out 4.4 gigawatts of power when shit is cranked.
There is a rumble as the unit comes online and Luke readies a prodding digit, momentarily to hit play.
It is at this moment the door flings open and an older, scholarly gentleman (let's call... Prof) comes gambolling in, evidently excited.
"Luke, how was that xharoldshitmanx cd?"
"Really sweet Prof! I loved the bassy sound of it and was just about to try it out on the big stereo!"
"Great Scott, they are some Great Scotts!"
"Indeed" replies Luke "but I'm not sure how I'm going to pad out a review of 3 tracks... hmmm I need some kind of terrible gimmick..."
THE END.
ABOVE: I hope they don't mailbomb me after reading this shit.
