1. It's Saturday afternoon and you are supposed to be writing a review of this TFD album for some blog or whatever- but HELL NO GIRLFRIEND! you recently lost your magic pen, the proximity of which is required to be able to write of review that is any good at all.
Boldly you unzip a mediafire rar and prepare to do your best all by yourself.
DO YOU LIKE GRINDCORE? yes goto:10 no goto:5 I'd rather look for this magic pen! goto: 11
2. The production here is quite good, if a tad drum-oriented (understandable considering) and the song structures are well thought out.
DO YOU LIKE CLEAN SOUND? Yes goto:3 no goto4:
3. As you continue listening you start to really dig the overall vibe, but wonder if it's all a bit too tongue in cheek IS IT? yes goto:8 no goto:6
4. The problem is Grind should always be about blasting to fuck punk-arse volumes, not this studio malarky, but having said that it is Rich Hoak so maybe you GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE? yes goto:10 no goto:7
5. Not liking Grindcore you wonder why you ever let Alex pester you into doing this silly reviewing game in the first place- you load up gmail (or similar) and prepare to tender your resignation email when PROF busts in- "Great Scott I'm back again!!" but that's another review...
6. You decide a sense of humour is a good thing for extreme music to have, and moreover this album is full of good ideas in terms of riffs and dynamics. MADE UP YOUR MIND YET? yes goto:9 no goto:10
7. Nah, shag this for a game of hopscoth you decide to go listen to your ASSUCK vinyl instead, but realise only digital music exists now BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN THE FAR FUTURE!!! DAH-DAH!!!
8. You just can't get over the sense that this isn't played quite straight enough, but it is enjoyable so do you GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE? yes goto 10 no goto 7
9. SO there we have it HATER is pretty darn good overall, irreverent, catchy and blasty in equal measures. TEN GOLD STARS! Ok, having done that you decide now is the time to dust off some old plastic classics GOTO 7
10. Ok, Grind is go! However the owner of this blog (Alex Layzell) has been pestering the fuck out of you on FB chat recently, kind of OFF PUTTING? Yes goto:7 no goto:2
11. Ok, before we get started on this TFD business you decide you reallllly need that magic pen which enables you to write the review blogs all the girls don't like! You brave up and wedge your hand down the back of the sofa and THERE IT IS! THE MAGIC PEN!! Ok you think, now I can get on with this bullshit... buuuuutt you have been meaning to see if that vinyl you bought last week off ebay sounds good VINYL FIRST, OR REVIEW? vinyl goto: 7 review goto: 2
Haves a facebookes
Aside: to best enjoy this choose-your-own-review you should repeat it repeatedly (actual TFD joke)
